i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
