Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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