I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
