i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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