I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
