I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
