I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
