I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
