let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
