in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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