Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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