it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
