ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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