I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
