If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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