Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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