I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize