My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
