sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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