margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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