he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
