Welp...herpes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
