My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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