none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
