Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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