just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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