There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
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I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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