I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
