Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
