You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
