You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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