your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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