i was born a porn star she said
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
