Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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