i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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