I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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