I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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