he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
