based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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