I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
