I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
