dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
