Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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