one two three fourrrrnication!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
