yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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