Will you blow on my dice?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
