Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
