i think i have herpe
just one?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
