Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
