Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
