Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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