I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
