Can Purell be used as lube?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
