Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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