Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
