when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
