Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
