Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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