did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
