so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
