i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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