She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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