She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
