you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
