I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
