I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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