I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
