i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize