You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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