Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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