Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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