i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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