We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
