She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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