"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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